


be present, be willing to love

by SapphireOcean (JujYFru1T)



Series: S.S. Yukyoru [2]
Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Multi, Nightmares, Polyamory, Rare Pairings, sorry to inflate the fic count ehehe, ur not hallucinating i just separated this from my YTK fic collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23725675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JujYFru1T/pseuds/SapphireOcean
Summary: Kyo has a bad night.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou, Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou/Sohma Yuki, Honda Tohru/Sohma Yuki, Sohma Kyou/Sohma Yuki
Series: S.S. Yukyoru [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1159838
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	be present, be willing to love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nekomancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekomancer/gifts).



> still knocking it out the park w/ summaries :))) at least the title's halfway decent for once (taken from [this piece](https://tricycle.org/magazine/set-compass-your-heart/))  
> This as-usual self-indulgent scribble was inspired by and thus dedicated to the amazing Nekomancer, who's been leaving equally amazing comments on my Yukyoru fic collection, where this fic was originally (moved 4/18/20). I hope you 1- don't mind me writing out your plotbunny, and 2- like what I did with it. You can bet I'll be making use of your other lovely ideas-- but only if you're cool with it of course ^_^

"Kyo-kun..."

He can't move. He can only watch as her eyes grow wide with fear, as she takes one step back.

"I'm sorry. Kyo-kun isn't... who I thought he was. I-I can't stay with you."

"W-Wai--"

“You're not worthy of her." Yuki is by her side now, looking at him with cold hate. "Of either of us." 

This he knows; this is familiar. It clears the block between his brain and his body, frees his vocal cords. "Don't do this to me. You _can't._ Tohru, please!"

She flinches, moves closer to Yuki. "I didn't know you were a monster," she whispers.

"What?" He toward them, stares at his legs, his arms. "What have you been telling her?" he says to Yuki, voice rising. "You both know--!"

"Goodbye, Kyo." He takes Tohru’s hand and turns his back.

 _I'll never see them again. This can't be happening._ He sprints after them, reaching out. "Don't you walk away from me," he shouts, and he reaches, and--

A pained cry bursts from Tohru. She collapses, a gash across her torso, staring at him glassy-eyed.

"No. Oh, no..." His breath comes in gasps; he looks at his hands and yes, they're claws now, and pain roars through him as his body mutates further. "I didn't mean to!"

"You worthless _demon_ ," Yuki spits, crouching over Tohru. "Look what you've done."

He can't feel anything but rage. At the animal inside of him, at the two who have never really loved him, at his own weakness.

With a scream, he leaps forward—

and crashes into the wall, body painfully human again.

He looks up at the barred window, pulls himself up to look out of it. Yuki is there, eyes sad.

“She wanted me to give you this.” He hands Kyo a pink ribbon. 

His heart freezes. “Did I— she isn’t—?!”

”No. But she won’t come see you. And I’m not coming back.”

”Don’t...” He swallows. “Don’t you remember what you said?” _That night. When you grabbed me and wouldn’t let go._ He understands Tohru. He’d do the same. But, foolishly, he thought maybe Yuki... after everything...

Yuki smiles icily. His eyes have no feeling anymore. “What did I say?”

Thunder rumbles in the distance as Yuki turns away.

He doesn’t bolt awake. 

One instant he’s staring through the bars at Yuki’s back, the next Tohru’s hair fills his vision. He slides up on the pillow; Yuki’s shoulder is barely visible on the other side of the bed.

He almost touches Tohru’s head before he remembers and draws back, fisted fingers cutting into his palm. He’s too dirty to touch her right now.

Stomach pinching, he leaves the bed and the room in barely a blink.

He can walk the path with his eyes closed by now but never does, keeps them wide and focused on his destination: the shelf in the corner.

The disconnected beads are in their own little dish, next to the worn hat and a picture of them all at the beach. He remembers for the thousandth time how Tohru had gathered up the beads after he’d ripped them away, triumphant. At first it didn’t make any sense, even when she explained why.

A fair amount of time has passed since then. It’s moments like these, rubbing his wrist, that he’s grateful she kept the beads. They’re broken apart with no string to tie them together; no chance they’ll spirit back onto his wrist when he lets his guard down. 

Proof that he isn’t dreaming this life. 

A chill shivers over him. He should have worn a top to bed. Not that that would make the nightmares stop.

“Kyo.”

He blinks, turns; Yuki’s standing at the door frame. He shrugs an “okay” at him and watches at he stops within arm's length.

“Was it the same one?”

He shakes his head, adds a “No,” in case it’s too dark to see. “This time I hurt Tohru. You called me a demon, and I hurt you too.” He smiles mirthlessly. “And _then_ I ended up in the cage.”

“Why did you hurt her?” 

His chest loosens a fraction at the gentle routine, tightens again at the thought that it’s become a routine in the first place. When Yuki first started it, seemingly out of nowhere, he'd bristled; old animosity turned the questions into interrogations, the need to have evidence of his nightmares. But soon he found that breaking them down, plotting them out, diminished their hold. If Tohru offered, he wouldn't let her; it feels wrong to have her handle this weight. A moot point, because she chooses to give him space. Whether she doesn't know what to say, or is afraid, or knew without thinking that was what he wanted-- the division works out, and they have a battle plan.

He curses his mind yet again. They would never let him fight alone, so _why...?_

He inhales deeply, lets it out slowly. “Because you both were gonna leave me. She saw me... like _that_ , and I wasn’t, and you said I didn’t deserve you, and I got so upset I... I _changed_.” His legs are shaking now, but if he sits down he won’t be able to get up.

Yuki’s hand is on his arm. He’s moved close. “Show me where?”

Another statement-question. Always soft, always the choice not to answer. But this one’s different: a chance to prove the illusion to himself. 

He puts his hands on Yuki’s shoulders, placing the right distance between them. Then he curls his fingers, grits his teeth, and strikes at his left side, just under his ribs. His fingertips land softly, trembling.

Yuki says, “You can use more force.”

He shudders our a breath even as he digs in, scratching a line straight across; he can see the welts rising and blood but it’s dark but there’s blood—

A gnarled sound claws out of his throat and suddenly warmth surrounds him.

“Oh, Kyo.” 

He lets out another weak, pathetic noise as tears run hot down his cheeks. Idiot. He can barely breathe to cry out loud. 

Yuki has his arms around his neck, face pressed to his chest. “Kyo, I’m so sorry, I thought it would help, I shouldn’t have— I’m okay, you’re okay. I love you.” He holds on tighter and Kyo can only cling back.

“I love you, I love you, _I love you,_ and I’m not leaving.” Kisses on his sternum. Dampness on his skin.

“I love you,” he chokes out.

“I know you do.”

He kisses the top of Yuki's head, then rests his forehead there holding still tighter, tears still streaming. He can't catch his breath, so he waits it out, absorbing Yuki's heat and the weight of their embrace.

Eventually the ache in his legs and his calmed heart and the itch in his throat all occur to him. Reluctantly he lifts his head from Yuki's and says, "I want to see her."

He meant to say he needed water. And that too, probably first, but he realizes that Tohru-- she could be injured and--

He shakes off the lingering dream-memory as Yuki pulls away carefully. "Clean up first?" he says, brushing fingers over Kyo's cheekbone.

A blush follows their path. Kyo wipes his eyes, blinking futilely. "Yeah." Then he leans in for a kiss, soft and lingering.

Yuki's smile is bright in the darkness.

They ease their way to the kitchen. Kyo gets a half-glass of water, lets Yuki clear away his tear tracks and does the same for him. Then, hand-in-hand, they return to the bedroom.

Tohru’s sitting up, bedside lamp on low. Her hands release the rumpled sheets as she meets his eyes.

In his rush to touch her, he stumbles, ends up with one knee on the bed and one foot on the floor and her in his arms.

“Kyo,” she murmurs, and the curl of her fingers against his spine is almost more relief than he can bear.

“Sorry I woke you.” The words come out on an exhale.

“It’s all right.”

Another routine, but the words never lose their meaning. Yuki’s hand settles over Tohru’s.

“Do you...” Her breath is warm against his neck. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

His mind says no, but he talks anyway again; about hurting her, badly, and the cage and her ribbons. When he’s done, they’ve separated into a line on the side of the bed. His hands have become fists again without his knowing. Yuki’s leg is pressed to his own while Tohru’s head rests against his arm.

Her sigh sounds fortifying. “Kyo’s hands...” She takes one in both of hers, and as she talks she eases his fingers open, her own stroking. “They’re powerful. But they’re so gentle, too. And always warm.” She kisses his palm, his knuckles. “Your hands protect me, and...” The sudden heat of her blush makes his hand tingle. “They make me feel good.” She clasps his hand to her cheek and whispers, “I love your hands. Like I love all of you. And I know the you in your nightmares isn't real. No more real than-- than the phantoms who wear our faces and treat you cruelly."

"It could have been me, though," he says quietly, all the energy gone from his words.

"Mhmm." She nods, squeezing his hand. "But the real you, with so much strength and control... you chose another path. All on your own. We supported you, yes," she said to his noise of protest, "but we didn't make that choice for you. We couldn't have." She sits up and leans over to kiss him. "And we're here now. Safe."

"Free," Yuki whispers. "We always will be."

"Then why won't the dreams stop. If I know all this. If I have you helping me. I don't deser--"

"You do," Tohru says, so fiercely he forgets to breathe for a moment. She takes his face in her hands, so close he can see tears on her eyelashes. "Kyo, you deserve _everything_."

Yuki's mouth on his shoulder rushes heat through him. "And we'll prove it to you. As often as it takes, as many times as it takes." 

He shivers, head bowed to Tohru. "I just... I wish you didn't have to. It's not like I don't believe you..."

Tohru puts a hand over his heartbeat. "You know here, and that's most important," she says against his mouth. Her hand moves to his temple. "It takes a while for some things to reach here."

"I'll keep trying." He bumps foreheads with her, then turns to look at Yuki. "I will. I'll get there."

"Just keep being patient with yourself," he says. 

After a few moments of quiet, Kyo says, "Let's go back to bed."

Yuki goes across the bed to his side, turning the light off on the way, and Kyo waits for Tohru to settle in. But she looks at him, and at Yuki, and doesn't move.

He's about to ask what's wrong when she says, "You should be in the middle."

"...Huh?"

"Seconded," says Yuki. "Only if you want to."

"I, uh..." It's not that he doesn't want to, but it's never occurred to him before. It's his place, and Yuki's, to surround Tohru. Nothing they decided on exactly, just something that happened. It doesn't feel quite right to change it.

"Please?" Tohru holds out a hand. "I... I want to protect you. Just this once."

His resistance crumbles.

"Tonight." He crawls to the middle, gets under the covers bit by bit. "But I like holding you too much."

She giggles, snuggling up to him as he turns on his side toward her. "That's why I wanted to try it." She reaches tight around his back, pressing in. "What do you think?"

Her lips against his chest make it hard to form words. "It's nice," he stammers out, face warm.

"Oh, maybe..."

She turns so her back is against him, and he finds his arms reaching to cover her shoulders like a scarf, hand searching for hers. Her hair is silky.

"I think this is better." Her voice sounds like he feels: soothed, heavy, a little wanting.

"Y-Yeah. This--" His breath jolts, pulse stuttering at the press of Yuki's whole body against his back, arms cinching his waist. "This is good." He settles one arm behind Tohru's back so he can lace fingers with Yuki. "W-We... could do this more than once. If you wanted."

Tohru hums, wiggling a little against their hands.

"Sleep well, Kyo," Yuki says into his hair. 

"...Thank you." It takes a moment, to get it out around the emotions prickling through him, but he does. 

He tucks his chin into Tohru's hair and closes his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. I invite and appreciate feedback, including:
> 
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>   * "<3" as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
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